Relections on 2009: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Part 1

Part 1 of 3: Veganism

It is almost 2 weeks into the new year and when I look back over the past year, so much has happened, so much has changed. Some of it was good, even great, but too much was bad and even ugly. In order to move forward, I feel it is necessary to look back and find the lessons that the year brought to me.

The best thing that happened to me in 2009 was I became a vegan. It is funny how that only happened last year because I feel as if it has been this way all of my life. I went vegetarian in 2008 and transitioned pretty quickly to vegan but my reluctance to give up egg whites pushed the “official” date of being vegan into 2009. It is incredible how much has changed – I eat foods I would have never eaten before, foods I had never even heard of before. Label reading has become second nature to me whether I’m buying food, clothes or cosmetics.

Being a vegan is about so much more than just what I eat or wear or buy. I learned so much about animal abuse and exploitation, environmentalism and health, it is overwhelming. In one year, I have read dozens of books about animals and veganism. I have amassed a huge vegan cookbook collection and learned to cook delicious, healthy vegan meals. Needing to do more than change my own behavior, I got involved in trying to spread the compassionate message. 2009 was the year of many firsts: my first protests (seal slaughter and dog and cat hunting in Korea), my first Veggie Pride Parade, my first Walk for Farm Animals sponsored by Farm Sanctuary (which also led to my first successful attempt at fundraising) and my first visit to a farm sanctuary in Woodstock. I found a purpose and used my voice to help save innocent lives.

It was amazing to see how angry and defensive people got when faced with messages of compassion, probably because it called their own behavior into account. I also learned how I wanted to use my voice in those situations. At some protests and marches, there were several people who tried to spread the message with anger and aggression by yelling at and insulting people in the street such as those wearing fur or leather. This seems counterproductive to me. In my limited experience, people are not going to stop and be open to education when they are being verbally attacked. I think a smile and friendly discussion offers a better chance at engaging people as well as debunking the myth that vegans are angry people-haters. I enjoy speaking up for the animals but I honestly do not like some of the behavior that occurs at these events and it has made me not want to attend many of them. I pick and choose which I attend more carefully now.

Becoming a vegan certainly changed where I could eat. Suddenly, most places had nothing to offer me. If I ever thought it was hard to find vegetarian food at restaurants, I didn’t realize how easy that was until I tried to find vegan food. It’s amazing how professional cooks and chefs cannot seem to create dishes without butter or cheese. What is more amazing is how many are not even willing to try. I even stopped attending a professional psychology conference that I presented research at every year because they were unwilling to accommodate my diet or reduce the expensive fee which included the food I would not be eating. Living in the Bronx was tough – it’s not very veg-friendly and it’s really not health-friendly – but again, I learned a rough lesson when we moved to Westchester. There are NO vegan eateries here; it’s like living in the cheese capital of the world. My husband and I participated in the amazing Veggie Conquest, a vegan “Iron Chef” type of event. It was wonderful to see people creating delicious, creative vegan dishes and to be part of what I hope will become a national sensation and a wake-up call to cooks and chefs everywhere (go Jessica!).

Of course, I am lucky that I work in Manhattan. No, Tribeca, the neighborhood where I work, is not veg-friendly, but there are many places to choose from in other neighborhoods. 2009 was the year of discovering great vegan restaurants including my favorites, Sacred Chow (I want to live in the Chowbelly) and Candle Cafe (I could eat seitan chimichurri everyday for the rest of my life). I even got to go to Candle 79 on my wedding anniversary which was a rare and wonderful treat. It was everything I had heard about it and more. There are so many more places my husband and I have yet to try but it gets really expensive to eat out more than a couple of times per month.

While I don’t necessarily think it is more expensive to be vegan, I do believe it can be expensive to be a social vegan. There are so many special events like vegan chef appearances at restaurants and charity galas that I wish I could go to, but unfortunately, many are too expensive for me. I have to admit I sometimes feel it is unfair that I can donate my time and energy to a cause or raise money for a cause but then can’t attend a dinner or party for the cause because I can’t afford the ticket. I wish restaurants and organizations would take into consideration that not all vegans have a lot of money. At this point, I can attend most events only if they are free or if I can volunteer or bring a dish. I know I’m missing out on a lot of great experiences with a lot of great people and I wish I could afford more but that’s not my reality at this time.

Another good thing that happened in 2009 was finally overcoming my reluctance to join Facebook. I never had any interest in social networking but through Facebook, I’ve “met” hundreds of people who share the same values and beliefs. Some of these people that I have never met have become very special to me, as I’ve discussed in a former blog entry, “The Kindness of Strangers.” So many people that I have never met have been there to support me in times of need and hardship when the people in my offline world turned their backs. Sometimes life can feel lonely, especially being vegan in a non-vegan world, but Facebook helps me connect to so many other vegans, that I feel like I am part of a large and powerful group.

The bad side of this (besides spending too much time on Farmville) is that I learned that vegans are not really one large, powerful group but that there are sub-divisions of vegans based on their theoretical perspectives. I knew that some people were vegan for the animals, some for the environment and some for health but what I didn’t expect was the in-fighting between vegans. Rather than using their energy to fight against the people and organizations that truly abuse and exploit animals, there are some vegans who choose to aim their anger at other vegans fighting the cause in a different way. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about being a vegan but about being an abolitionist or a welfarist. I read so many articles by vegans negating the work of other vegans and animal advocates that my head spun. First I wondered if I needed to choose a “camp” and was confused because I agreed with tenets of both. Then I felt sadness that it wasn’t enough to just be a vegan and that one could be judged and attacked, not just by the rest of the non-vegan world, but by other vegans. Finally, this ugliness led me to feel angry. How can people preach compassion, non-violence and ahimsa yet act in the very opposite way towards people who share the same ultimate goal? In the end, I decided the label “vegan” was enough for me and that my energy was best used helping animals and strengthening the vegan movement – the ENTIRE vegan movement.

Not knowing any other vegans, I joined groups on Meetup.com and met many wonderful people who share my interests and values. I am in awe of the dedication of these people and am grateful for all they have taught me, for how much they have inspired me and for including me in their lives (ahem…David, Robyn, Jasmin, Susan, Jessica, Cathy et al). I am also grateful for the friends I have who have accepted and respected my veganism. Several of my coworkers have gone to vegan restaurants with me and take my needs into consideration when choosing a place to go for lunch or drinks. A friend of mine, who is not vegan, prepared a vegan feast for my husband and I, even going so far as to make us homemade soy ice cream and make sure the wine was vegan. Another friend also went out of her way to accommodate us when she had a luncheon at her home, making sure we had vegan options at every course. Not everyone has accepted my veganism, however, and I’ve learned the sad and ugly lesson that something as simple (and complex) as food choices can drive huge wedges between people.

There was more to 2009 than veganism but it certainly was the focal point of my year. It changed everything about the way I live my life. It is still my proudest accomplishment. And of course, had I not gone vegan, I would not have started this blog…and that, I believe, is a very good thing.