Reflections on 2009: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Part 2

Part 2 of 3: Weight Loss and Health

Ok, so becoming a vegan wasn’t the only good thing that happened in 2009. I also reached my goal of losing 100 lbs. That was really slow-going since my herniated disk limited my ability to exercise. But I did it and I am very proud of myself. Season after season, I watched The Biggest Loser and watched people start out at my original weight or more and then quickly leave me in the dust as their weight dropped off and mine barely dribbled. I know I wasn’t in the gym being pushed by Jillian and Bob 6 hours each day on some beautiful ranch but still…

I think that more than losing the 100 lbs. (because I still have many to go), I am proud of the fact that I never gave up, even when I was stuck for months with no progress. Of course, becoming vegan helped me get unstuck but being vegan isn’t enough – there is plenty of unhealthy, fattening vegan food out there. What also helped was the unending support of my friends on the Weight Watchers Veggie Board (love you all). It all comes down to personal accountability and choices. Sometimes it’s hard to make the right choices and do what is best for you. Sometimes it’s hard to choose what will be good for you in the long run over instant gratification. But I have to say it is worth it. I went from a size 24 pants to a size 10! That even surprised me. I not only don’t have to shop in the plus-size stores anymore; I can’t. Nothing fits me and that’s a good thing.

One might wonder what could possibly be bad about losing 100 lbs. Well, first of all, you don’t gain all that weight just because you like food. There are underlying issues to deal with and they don’t go away with the weight. In fact, not having food to cover them up with makes them all the more apparent. That could (and should) be a blog entry in itself. Later. And you would think the ability to shop anywhere would be fun and maybe one day it will be, but right now, it’s overwhelming. I used to have 2 or 3 stores I could shop in and very limited options. Now I can choose almost anything and I’m not sure where to start. I’m not sure what my “style” is if it’s not loose shirts over pants. The other day, my husband and I were shopping (he needed new pants because he’s lost a lot of weight too) and I passed this pretty dress on the rack. I hesitated and then thought, why not? I took the dress into the dressing room in 2 sizes (the one I thought might fit and the one I thought would be too small), tried on the smaller one and it fit! It not only fit, it looked good! I ran out, bare-footed, to where my husband was waiting and the look on his face said it all. He hasn’t seen me in a dress in forever. I guess that was a good thing and at least, a good start.

But there are other issues that come along with losing weight such as body issues. I don’t see the progress that other people see. The mind builds an identity and it doesn’t let go easily. I still see myself “fat,” like I did 100 lbs. ago. I still worry whether I’ll fit in a seat or be able to walk through an aisle without banging into something. Recently, I was speaking to a co-worker who has a mirror at his desk. In the mirror I saw the body of someone, from torso to thigh, and turned to see who had walked in…but then realized it was me. That happens a lot. I catch my reflection in store windows or mirrors and don’t realize it’s me at first. Those are the moments I realize my mind has a lot of catching up to do with my body. My self-esteem has even further to go. Still, I’d rather have to deal with these issues than have those 100 lbs. back.

Another good thing that happened was that the woman I consider my hero and mentor, Christina Pirello, not only answered an email I sent her (which left me embarrassingly starstruck) but asked for the story of my health journey for her new web site. Me! Christina, the woman I have watched cook on TV for over a year, the woman who taught me the word “vegan,” wanted me to be the inaugural story for the Well-Being part of her new ChristinaCooks.com web site. I’m still having trouble believing that happened!

Losing weight and fitting into smaller size clothes is a good thing but getting rid of over half a dozen medications that were all for symptoms related to my obesity and poor diet is a great thing. Now I spend money on vitamins rather than medications and I’m sure my insurance company is happy about that (not that they are giving me any rewards like a free gym membership…hint, hint). I have an inherited immune deficiency and used to get really bad bronchitis and pneumonia every year that had me missing weeks of work at a time but so far, since becoming vegan, I haven’t even gotten a cold (knocking lots and lots of wood here). Usually I avoid doctors but I am so anxious to have an appointment so I can not only see the look on my doctor’s face but so I can get “before and after” blood test results. And guess what? The paper gown in the doctor’s office is actually going to fit me this time…and that is a very good thing.